Money, Love, and Middle School
Remember 8th grade? Being 13 . . maybe, 14?
It was a pretty dreadful year for most of us. According to Great Schools, development at this age looks a lot like this:
During the 8th grade, children experience a significant increase in brain growth, which can lead to improved abilities in problem-solving, deductive reasoning, abstract thinking, strategic planning, and impulse control. They may also develop the ability to reason, remember, learn from mistakes, understand the long-term consequences of their behavior, and set goals for themselves.
All of which sounds awesome. But the key words in that whole statement are “may also develop,” because that means they may not develop any time soon.
In reality, beyond the “every child is different” caveat, these skills and abilities never grow in a coordinated straight line or even a lovely curve. Instead, they grow in fits and starts that are not dissimilar from the stock market.
Thanks to Guardian Financial for this lovely depiction of a previous bear market. FYI, Guardian, you also captured 8th grade development.
So, 8th graders are going through all this massive change — cognitively, physically, and emotionally. It’s hard to move through and equally hard to stand by and watch or be caught in the crossfire when things go awry. I recently came across a great message from an 8th grader that I thought showed some interesting insight:
“ . . I’m also struggling with outside school related stuff, like not using my time correctly, and love, etc.”
Ah, love. I'm glad to hear that’s an “outside school-related” thing, but no doubt it’s a distraction there, too. So, what’s this got to do with personal finance? A lot. Have you thought about talking with your middle schooler about the colliding impact of money and love? Because it’s real, even in the 8th grade. And some of us don’t really learn that lesson until our first divorce.
Consider these prompts for family chats for the next time you’re all conveniently trapped in the car facing forward:
Do you loan money to an early boyfriend/girlfriend? Why?
Do you give money to an early boyfriend/girlfriend? Why?
And here’s a tidbit to consider. Do you always have to lead by telling kids what to do? Your 8th grader would probably say, uh, no. So, don’t lecture. Ask their opinion, and don’t bark about yours. Keep asking them questions. Why do you think that? What could go wrong? How would that make you feel? How do other kids/friends handle that? When is it okay?
Let kids flex their new-ish thinking skills to connect some dots for themselves. Even better if you can share a time when it did or did not work out for you and what lessons you learned. After all, were all 8th graders once and we’ve all made mistakes when it comes to money and love. By opening the door on these conversations, you’ll be giving your child the gift of learning these lessons now, when the stakes are low. And isn’t that better than learning them as expensively as you did?
